(This article was originally posted on The Voice Nook on Substack.)

When I completed my undergraduate degree at UAlbany in 2011, I was very seriously considering continuing right on into a graduate degree, and potentially ultimately a career in academia.

I didn’t immediately pursue a higher degree or a career in academia because my ex-husband had spent 6 months convincing me we needed to move to San Francisco so he could pursue his career. And so we went.

Throughout the year leading up to graduation, I had been pushing really hard to complete my degree while simultaneously building up my singing lessons studio. I wouldn’t say I was burnt out, but I was definitely fatigued.

Packing up to leave a place I’d come to feel was home, along with the heartbreak of leaving all my friends, family, and my community and then driving across the country in a leaky UHaul through tornado warnings with two pissed off cats is what moved the needle from fatigued to burnt out.

San Francisco is an incredibly complex place. It’s beautiful and dynamic and inspiring. It’s also difficult and, at times, pulverizing. A friend once said to me, ‘This place is like a mortar and pestle. It will grind you into dust or it will grind you down into who you are supposed to be.’

Not a single minute of my time there was easeful or smooth. Not one.

Two years into the adventure, my ex-husband decided he didn’t want to be married to me anymore. And man oh man do I want to say a Whole Lot More about That. However…

Deep breath.

Circumstances being what they were, I forgot all about going back to school. If or when I remembered the idea, I was burnt out…and also broke and 6 figures in debt.

So, I focused on my work. Always tinkering and trying new things. Putting myself in new situations. Following some unclear path while pulling on some unseen thread. Letting my curiosity – and my unwavering unwillingness to give up on myself, guide me.

Pivoting slowly and steadily from singing lessons → public speaking → communication → leadership.

The common thread through all of these is learning how to know yourself, to believe in yourself, to trust yourself, to connect to your emotions while not letting them hijack what you’re doing, to communicate clearly in moments of stress, and to do all of this for the sake of something bigger than just yourself.

All throughout and for a long time afterward, my 9 years in San Francisco felt like a big, mysterious fog. I never really felt like I ‘figured it out’ while I was there. And that filled me with grief, frustration, and a sense that I spent all my best years and energy hustling and grinding – helping my clients find success and thrive, but not really feeling like I myself was getting anywhere.

Ah, sweet Sam, some things you just can’t understand until after the fact.

I can see now that my time in California was, essentially, grad school. There are things you can only learn by doing, by doing them over time, by fucking around and finding out, by living each moment with as much thoughtfulness and intention and grit as you can muster. Again and again and again.

Looking back, I can see more clearly what that time of my life was for. I was always doing what I needed to do. And I was always being and becoming my truest and most impactful self.

The mortar and pestle definitely ground me down. And there was definitely lots of dust. But I could never have learned what I have learned, or become who I have become, if I had stayed in Upstate New York instead of moving to California.

This coming June 17th, fifteen years after I graduated, I will be facilitating a session on communication and team building at my alma mater, UAlbany. I’m incredibly joyful and excited about this.

I thought it would feel like a full-circle moment. Maybe even like a kind of fuck you to my ex-husband for ripping me away from here when I felt like I was just getting started. See?! I’m back where I belong!

But interestingly, it doesn’t feel like that at all.

It just feels like the next right step to take on this invisible path. I don’t need to prove anything to myself or anyone else. I’m just a person living in the world and doing stuff like all the other people living in the world and doing stuff.

Wherever I am, that’s where I am…until I’m not anymore. Whatever I’m doing, that’s what I’m doing…until I’m not anymore. Whoever I am, that’s who I am…until I’m not anymore.

If you are in the Albany area and curious about the Coaching for Leaders and Managers Academy program I will be a facilitator for, you can find more details below.

Meanwhile, I’d love to hear about the surprising ways your unseen path has unfolded. Feel free to share in the comments or send reply to this message. All replies are private and only seen by me.

If you’d like help making sense of your path, I’d be happy to help. It took a literal team of coaches to help me understand, accept, and appreciate my journey – and the different versions of myself along the way. Feel free to book a call here.

UAlbany’s Coaching for Leaders & Managers Academy

This is a 4-week, in-person microcredential program with a small, interactive cohort focused on giving leaders practical, real-world tools.

Along with effective strategies for managing within an organization, this program also helps leaders and emerging leaders better understand how they show up, communicate, and work with others in real time, so they can lead with clarity, authenticity and intention.

We’ll be working on:
• Week 1: Leadership Style & Emotional Intelligence
• Week 2: Leading with Strengths (CliftonStrengths)
• Week 3: Team Building & Communication (with me! 🙋‍♀️)
• Week 4: Coaching Strategies

If you’re a manager or emerging leader looking to strengthen how you lead, this is a thoughtful and well-structured space to do that.

📍UAlbany Uptown Campus

🗓️ Wednesdays in June (3rd, 10th, 17th, 24th)

⏰9am–12pm

New York State residents receive a $200 discount.
(UAlbany alumni, student, and staff discounts also available)

More info / Registration:
https://www.albany.edu/…/coaching-for-leaders-and-managers