(This article was originally posted on The Voice Nook on Substack.)

I’ve realized I’m in one of those in-between moments. (Again.)

I’m no longer where I was, but I haven’t yet arrived where I’m going. (Again.)

It feels kind of like leaping over a creek while on a hike. I prepared myself as best I could – I gauged the distance, found the best spot from which to jump, scoped out a good landing spot, bitched and complained a whole bunch.

And now I’m in the air.

I feel a bit weightless…untethered.

Many of the systems and practices that I built to support the old me don’t work anymore. Not only are the new ones not here yet – they can’t even be built until I touch down on the other side.

I’m not sure which part of this is the most uncomfortable:

• Letting go of the old version of me

• Being mid-air, not knowing if I will land safely

• Knowing that I won’t know if I’ve put myself in the right place or how to proceed until I get over there

But I do know this:

The kind of freedom and evolution I am seeking – for myself and others, can only be found when I have the courage to jump.

“We are swimming with the snakes at the bottom of the well
So silent and peaceful in the darkness where we fell
But we are not snakes and what’s more
We never will be
And if we stay swimming here forever we will
Never be free”

Forgiveness, by Patty Griffin

I’ve been through enough transitions to know that I’ll land.

Perhaps I’ll land strong and clean. Perhaps I’ll fall and have to find my strength through the challenge of recovering. Either way, I’ll be on the other side of the creek, making my way forward along my path.

Oh…I just realized something.

I’m not at all afraid of the change at all. I’m ready for that.

I’m sad to leave that part of me behind that can’t come with me.

Kinda like throwing away your favorite pair of broken-in jeans when there are just too many holes to pretend anymore.

Damn if those jeans didn’t make you look and feel great for a long time.

Until they didn’t.

And so it is with personal growth.

We attach to different pieces and parts of ourselves. And they break in just right, molding exactly to our shape. They help us feel good, and safe, and maybe even powerful.

Until they don’t anymore.

So I’ll give myself some space to grieve that part of me that felt so comfy for so long. The one who shepherded me through a whoooole lot of life. She is how I got here. She’s the reason I feel ready to make this leap.

And I know she’ll be rooting for me the rest of the way. And she’s happy for me – so, so happy. This is all she’s ever wanted for me. Hers are tears of pride and of joy.

“Look how far we’ve made it,” she says. “ Keep going. I love you. You’ve got this.”

I’m curious to hear if anyone else is in a similar in-between moment right now. I’d love to hear what it’s been like for you. ❤️

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