Today has been a stressful day. I’m being audited by a Great and Powerful Government Agency, which is always a bit traumatizing and dehumanizing. It’s also filling me with an amount of rage, resentment, and frustration that at times feels bigger and heavier than my body can physically hold.

“I feel so powerless,” I said through tears.

“Would you like to go for a walk?” my loving partner asked.

“I would like to crawl out of my own body, actually. There’s too much in here,” I replied, just a little too loud.

So, anyway, we went for a walk.

In my last post, I wrote about claiming your power and your voice. (And, you know, that’s really all I ever write about, so I guess I don’t have to state it every time. But here we are.)

The thing is, I feel powerless a lot of the time. Like, most of the time, really.

I have to claim and reclaim my voice over and over and over again. Endlessly.

We live within socioeconomic systems that require us to perceive ourselves as powerless in order to sustain themselves. There are days like today when I feel hopelessly trapped in a Kafka-esque web of people and situations that seek only to make my life harder.

On these days, I give myself a lot of grace when it’s hard for me to come back to my voice, my power, and my truth: that I matter. That I have a say in things.

In addition to giving myself grace and patience, I also take a bunch of other steps to bring me into alignment with my power and my voice.

It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. Today, it looked like:

1) Separating the trigger from my emotional reaction

I’ve had many truly difficult and negative experiences with the government regarding finances and taxes over the years (who hasn’t, right?). In these situations, when my fear and anger are dialed up to 11, it’s vitally important for me to ask myself: “Am I reacting to this situation specifically, or am I reacting to the memory of all the other situations in which I felt harmed or disadvantaged”

The truth is, it’s always both. That said, it’s important that I show up for this situation with as much presence and clarity of mind as possible so that I can make decisions, advocate for myself, and communicate in a way that leads to the outcome that is most aligned with my values and needs in this moment.

I can’t change the past; I can only take the learnings and incorporate them now. But I can’t do that if I’m having a meltdown about something that happened in 2016.

2) Caring for myself

This always varies, but today it looked like:

• Crying when I needed to

• Venting to my partner

• Getting lots of hugs

• Punching stuff

• Taking breaks to talk about other things

• Taking a walk in the cool winter air

• Eating lots of snacks

• Drinking lots of water

3) Connecting with my resources

• Accessing all my files on the cloud and in the material world to support my case

• Calling my accountant to ask questions and get advice

• Lining up friends I could reach out to if I needed a loving ear

4) Choosing power instead of powerlessness

Today, this entailed:

• Remembering that I’m not powerless: I literally just reread my last Substack post and was like, “Oh yeah! I got this. I’m fine.”

• Reminding myself that I’ve lived through situations that were exponentially worse than getting a bitchy email from the State of New York. In the grand scheme of existence, this is actually nothing. It helps me to right-size the situation by comparing it to the time I almost died. (A handy tool!)

• Working hard to reclaim my mood: I said to myself over and over today, “I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to spend my time and energy on feeling frustrated and angry. What can I do to get back to myself?”

• Taking responsibility for what’s mine. Letting the rest go: Dealing with the government is not a great time. There is a massive power imbalance. Also, the government has certain rules one day, then different rules the next. There is so much beyond my control that has absolutely zero to do with me.

  That said, I chose to set my company up in a particular way for specific benefits, and it’s up to me to show up responsibly for whatever that means. When I do this to the best of my ability, I’m in my power.

• Making a note to pay my 2025 membership fee to the Chamber of Commerce, a group that advocates for small businesses at the state level. Also, promising myself that I will speak for myself and others if the Chamber is advocating for something out of alignment with certain values.

• Knowing that I’ll show up in my client meetings the rest of the week with extra spice and energy to help connect others to their voices and power. When I do this to the best of my ability, I’m in my power.

• Sharing this message with all of you in order to:

  • Normalize any powerlessness you might be feeling, particularly in the wider context of our political culture

  • Offer a few tools for moving through situations that leave you feeling powerless

  • Model authenticity in moments of challenge and discomfort

     

When I do these things to the best of my ability, I am in my power.

So, anyway… this post feels a bit incomplete because there is so much more I could say about how all of this is taking place during a particularly complex time in our country and culture. I don’t want to bypass the importance of the bigger picture, I just don’t have the energy to speak about it today.

I will continue to use this space to explore aaaaall the ways we need to own our voices, so we’ll get to all that.

But I’ll end here for today because I’m really tired and I’ve gotta go punch a few more things before dinner. I’m fine.

Tomorrow is another day. Which reminds me of one of my favorite quotes of all time:

Meanwhile, I’d love to hear from you about what’s on your mind.

Did this message resonate with you? What questions do you have about owning your voice? Simply reply to this email with your thoughts and ideas. Everything is private and comes directly to me.

If you want to talk, I’m here.
Reach out for a friendly chat with this link.
Reach out to inquire about working together to help you own your voice with this link.

Meanwhile, take care of yourself. We got this.